Glossary: C

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Refers to the aim of the Republican movement, i.e. the political unification of the island of Ireland.

Céad míle fáilte, `a hundred thousand welcomes' is a traditional Irish greeting, nowadays ritually uttered before ripping off visitors to the country.

Celtic Tiger

The term `Celtic Tiger' was introduced by the writers of financial pages to draw a dubious and crowd-pleasing comparison between the `Tiger' economies of the South Pacific and the boom in Ireland's economy that began in the mid-nineties and continues today. The boom arose because large American IT companies noticed in recession-hit Ireland a large, well-educated, English-speaking potential workforce so cowed by the prospect of a lifetime of unemployment that they were willing to work in very obnoxious conditions for very little money. The venal and corrupt government of Ireland, most of whom would rezone a kiddies playground for use as a knackers' yard and then sell their grandmothers for glue there, collaborated in this exploitation of their electorate. Before long, Ireland's moribund economy was humming and the politicians and those who benefitted most from the boom (mainly managers, property developers, and estate agents) were engaging in an orgy of masturbatory self-congratulation that threatens to overheat said economy; already, Dublin property prices have passed the merely ludicrous and are approaching the insane. We expect Dublin's growing homeless population will find it necessary to take out mortgages on their cardboard boxes soon.

The truth of the matter is, the Celtic Tiger was the result of no ingenious economic planning on the part of successive Irish governments; instead it relied on bribery by handing out grants willy-nilly and slashing the corporate tax rate to undercut our European neighbours in attracting US companies. Investment in indigenous industry actually declined in real terms during the Celtic Tiger boom. This has left the Irish economy dangerously exposed and sensitive to changes in the US economy. Post dotcom meltdown and the events of September 11, future prospects aren't looking good.

Chipper

Fish and chip (that's French fries for the Yanks) shop. For an island nation, the Irish don't eat much fish and when we do, it's usually from one of these places, coated in thick starchy batter and fried in beef lard to neutralise any health-promoting properties it might once have had.

Chippers are often the scene of post-pub shape-throwing activities.

See also One-and-one.

Chiseller

(n.) Child.

Crawthumper

See Holy Joe.

Culchie

Unrefined individual from a rural background, equivalent to `redneck' or `shitkicker' in America. Compare: mulchie, jackeen. The precise derivation of the word is unknown: some hold it to be a corrupted form of the word `agriculture', an activity commonly practiced by our country brethren when not paid not to do so by the EU. Others claim it to be a corruption of Kiltemagh, a small village in County Mayo believed to produce culchies of the highest calibre.

Colleen

From the Irish, cailín: young woman, girl. A perfectly normal Irish word that Irish Americans have unaccountably turned into a first name.

Comely maidens, dancing at crossroads

A reference to a radio speech given by Éamonn de Valera, one of the chief architects of the Republic of Ireland, used to raise a snigger amongst us modern, swinging Celtic Tiger cubs. Funnily enough the words, "comely maidens dancing at the crossroads" don't actually appear in the speech, though it does contain some highly amusing chunks of the political blarney that was fashionable at the time: references to the "contests of sturdy youths" and the like. It was never meant to be some sort of landmark speech, but it has been enshrined as the mission statement of de Valera's Ireland, mainly by the people who want to jeer it.

Personally, while I disagree with de Valera's ideas, I admit that at least he and his peers had some sort of vision for Ireland. Having waded through blood to free their country, they wanted to build something new, not some shadowy generic western democracy in thrall to multinational or European interests. I, for one, would be in favour of an Ireland with comely maidens dancing at the crossroads; it sure would beat the Ireland with ugly scumbags drinking cider at the crossroads that de Valera's political successors have brought into existence.

Cork

Ireland's second-largest city, built on the river Lee in the south of the country. There is no love lost between Cork and Dublin. The Corkonians believe that the Dubs are no-good West Brits who have no business running a Holy Catholic, Gaelic nation and are quite assured that they could do a far better job. The Dubs, for their part, believe that Corkonians are only upstart mulchie bastards, insane with jealousy and years of inbreeding.

Craic

Fun, possessed of an exciting, convivial, high-spirited atmosphere. "Were you at the hooley in Mickser's house last week? The craic was only mighty!"

Also heard in the Irish expression ceol agus craic, "music and craic", often used when advertising a programme of tourist-orientated entertainment in pubs or hotels, usually of questionable authenticity and, indeed, entertainment value.

There is good evidence that craic isn't even an Irish word as it does not appear in Fr. Pádraig O'Dineen's tediously comprehensive Irish-English dictionary of 1934. It's more than likely a variation of Ulster Scots crack, "brisk talk, news" (cf. Bernard Share, Slanguage - a dictionary of slang and colloquial English in Ireland Gill and Macmillan 1997 ISBN 0-7171-2683-8), given a pseudo-Gaelic spelling in order to appear like we invented it.

Cute

Often used to mean `sly' rather than `good-looking' in Ireland. See cute whoor.

Cute whoor

Irish person, usually male and from a rural background, whose gombeen antics has drawn some grudging admiration from the speaker.